The Fast Lane

I hopped on the train today to head into the show and when I got on, they said it was running express. I got super excited because I was running late to begin with. But that aside, I always get excited because I know I'm going to get where I wanna go faster, but why is that?

Be it an express train, a non-stop flight, or never taking a summer break in college so you can graduate in three years instead of four, (which we all know I never did) why is it that we always want to get everywhere so fast. What about the journey?

*Just a small town girl.... Livin' in a lonely world...* Come on, you knew I was going there...

Now don't get me wrong, I love a good express train, but I'm trying to use a metaphor here. (ME?!? Use a metaphor? Never...) I look back on growing up and how when I was little, I just couldn't wait to get to double digits. Then, at 10, all I wanted was to be 13, then 16, then 18, 21, 25 (to rent a car, duh), and now, in some weird way, I cannot wait to be 30. I just want it to get there already.

But as I look back, I wish I had spent more time really living the life I was in, rather than wishing it was over and on to something else. The relationships I had with friends, lovers, and the few that fell somewhere in between, were all over before they should have been, but I couldn't wait to get on to something new...

Even now, in the wake of a big decision I am facing at the moment (don't worry, you'll know soon enough), I just wanna fly through these next couple months so it can get here...

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel like I keep hoping that everything will be better at the next milestone. I keep waiting for fate to swoop in and make everything fabulous, but it doesn't. And so I keep trying to flag down that express train to get me to my next stop faster, and I lose out on all the other great stuff in between.

So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to try and enjoy life again. All of it, not just the good parts, but the not so good ones too. I need to laugh at myself when I overdraw my bank account because my Amazon Prime annual fee went through without me realizing. Or smile when I see an ex across the street who doesn't even acknowledge my existence anymore. Or just take a deep breath when I feel that green eyed monster trying to rear it's ugly head when amazing things are happening to people who I love more than life itself. But most importantly, I am going to stand tall when I have done something wrong, or bad, or forgetful, and make amends for the issues in front of me.

Just because I hop on the express train doesn't mean that the other stops aren't there, I've just gone by them, and yes, some may be bad, but most are good. And I wanna experience them all...


Till we meet again...